Finding What’s Good

Going into my 4th week of classes this semester I am starting to look at things a lot differently than I did 5 short months ago. Preparing myself for early morning classes, waking up in time to feed myself and focus on getting my work done on time has been a hard struggle to overcome.

Me time is what I have found to be good for me. Finding that time in my day to just breath, relax and not feel the weight of a  thousand item to do list sitting on my shoulders (more like on my pretty lily planner). Crazily I have discovered this awesome amenity my campus has to offer called light therapy (HAHA no this is not an ad). Now if you know me you know how RIDICULOUS I think therapy is, but this is one of another nature. I have been off and on sick since September with basically everything in the book (I wish I was kidding, I’ll make you a list). Light therapy has given me the me time I have been looking for (with lots of warmth). Every week, once or twice depending on this bipolar IN weather, I come to the wellness suite and sit my happy (cold) butt in front of a bright, cozy light. That’s right I just sit. I turn off my phone, computer and basically everything distracting from the outside world and throw my head back for 30 minutes. Lately I have been using this time to really think about my life and reflect on the goods and bads that have twisted themselves into my world. This time around I have been really distracted in my days by building my work ethic.

My work ethic does not have the best track record, especially when it comes to school. Last semester I could have tried harder, I could have gone the extra mile or heck I could have done the mandatory mile to the best of my ability, but I didn’t (what a bite in the butt). I struggled to find my balance. A balance between school and social life, something that brought me down where I should have been brought up. Don’t think I think anyone has the balancing act down (except maybe Beyonce) because what a world that would be, but I definitely have a strong sense everyone else has it down a lot better than I do. I would say “oh of course I can finish my homework in 20 minutes before class in the morning. That’s what noon classes are for, early cramming, I can totally go out tonight.” Going to college and meeting tons of new people makes it kinda hard to say no to all the amazing, endless opportunities even when I have things I know are more important that need my attention. I have a really, really bad habit of biting off more than I can chew. From extra curricular, to dinner dates, working out everyday (de-stressing, but also stressing bc I have a million  things to do) and just taking on whatever else anyone wants from me. I am a yes person and I know most people would agree that can be a very great trait, but when I have 2974049 things that need done, a yes is not always my best answer.

This semester I am setting goals and working to realign for the bettering of myself. My goals are set high, but not unattainable by any means. I pledge myself to become more of the person I preach to be, but lack to practice in my daily life. I hope to learn how to study harder (I’m a guilty crammer whoops). I strive to strengthen my trust in my sorority sisters, best friends and family. I aim to impress my professors with well thought out work that proves I am committed to my education. I believe I can continue to grow in a positive light through the love that surrounds me and my beautiful campus.

Reminding myself each and everyday can be better than the one before is a stepping stone that keeps me motivated. When things get hard and giving up on school seems like the best option I am reminded that I have been chosen for this path and I CHOOSE to be here. No one is saying this is the road I must follow, but for the sake of my future this is where I need to be. Each day I am going to begin to find what is good for me and continue to take advantage of me time. The way I can strengthen my ties with God while learning to love myself + others in a healthier way is positivity and a head held high. We are not always put in the best positions to make the best decisions, but the first place we can start is being grateful for what we have and how we can best use that to better our lives right now. I am not the best example to lead by by any means, but I refuse to follow in a path that lacks light no matter the lack of people. I will find the good and the balance I have been calling for, hoping for and needing for. Today I am thankful for what’s here and hopeful for what’s to come.

xox0x

Ashley

P.S. Fellow Boilermakers take advantage of light therapy though, you can thank me later.

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