I’m Sorry

Lately I have been thinking about the relationship I’ve had the longest and hold the dearest to my heart. 

The one who’s been there beginning, middle and end. My father is the one I look to for everything at every time. Whether it’s support, to tell me right from wrong, to teach me his mistakes and to lead me to avoid my own, to make me take care of myself and to love me unconditionally.
what’s so crazy to think about is how long our relationship has been and think of all the arguments, which sometimes tend to tear, but mostly bond our close friendship. Being one on one at most times leads to the obvious blow up more than we’d like to admit (especially when our likeminded personalities clash).
The amount of yelling between us lately over the littlest of things has brought me to the thinking of forgiveness. The scoring of fights vs forgiveness is always 1 to 2. We fight, we fight, we forgive. 

Now don’t get me wrong, in my almost 18 years of living my father has spoken the words “I’m sorry” maybe 10 (rough estimate) and I know he really meant it when he said it. All the other fights didn’t end that way and that’s okay because forgiveness is NOT an “I’m sorry”

Forgiveness is going through the motions of loving and caring more than making anger and conflict. Forgiveness is accepting what happened and moving forward without pushing what happened under the rug, but cleaning up the mess equally. Taking responsibility for my actions and accepting that I do wrong every now and then (even though I hate admitting it). We all do something we shouldn’t, it’s nature.  

I have recently learned about “I” messages (hold on to your seats I might sound crazy). There’s an endless amount of times I can remember that fights or situations have been brought back up just because we say ” you need to _____” or “maybe if you would just stop ______”. These things feel so attacking and said with the wrong tone can spark a fire that won’t stop burning. 

“I feel as though things could be different if _____”. I know how cliché this sounds and how unlikely many people are to actually use this but maybe I have a little hope. Thinking before we speak can get us all a step ahead in these situations, then the “i” Message wouldn’t come into play along with the yelling & eventual blow up. 

We are humans. We sin and we all sin differently. We must forgive because forgiveness makes us human along with our flaws. We must accept others for their mistakes and accept ourselves for them as well. Forgetting that we are human is where we fall short. We are not God. We are not perfect, but we are hopeful, we are willing and we are forgiving. 

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